I remember praying this prayer after I had been sick for three years, “How long will this sickness last? I am utterly exhausted. I don’t know how much more I can take. How long, oh Lord?”

In my spirit I heard “Five years longer”.

I remember weeping, wondering how I could possibly endure five more years of the unrelenting fatigue, digestive issues, social isolation, and brain fog.

In reality, it took seventeen years longer, and I’m *really* glad I didn’t know that because I’m not sure what I would have done.

I share this with you because I now consider these twenty years a blessing. I grew in profound ways. We, as a couple, grew in profound ways. These years were blessed in ways beyond our understanding.

Yes, these years were absolutely brutal on our spirits, and on my body, heart, and mind.

Yes, our dreams completely crumbled before our eyes for two decades.

But the great thing about breaking down is that you get the chance to break through.

I broke through a lot of inner pain and deep fears that I didn’t know were there. I had weekly therapy for most of those 20 years. I faced the pain, and there was so much pain to face.

I learned to embrace myself right where I was. I learned to love my body. I learned how my brain and body are interconnected, and how to think in new ways.

I think, mostly, I learned how to love during this time, and that’s the best gift I can imagine: to learn how to love and be loved.

So, God, here I am.

I am better for these 20 years. I would do it all over again to be where I am today.

I offer all these years back to you. All the heartache and courage, hope and pain, trust and anger, weakness and weeping, and summoning of inner strength…let all these things be used for the Kingdom, I pray.

Through my life, I ask that many blessings may come to others.

I pray that I can be a source of great hope to those who are hurting. I pray that my story and my light will help others endure through their own difficult journeys.

If you are on your own difficult journey, and you can’t see the end, I see you, and I understand. I honor your experience. You are not alone.